Honoring Our Veterans & Wives

Honoring my husband and ALL the Veterans who have served our country.  I also want to honor ALL the wives who also sacrificed much on the home front as they did!

  May God bless you and your family!

The Grieving Process: Anger

What is grief? Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. (Wikipedia.org)

Grief is a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance. (Elisabeth Kugler-Ross, MD)

Today, I want to address the second stage: ANGER! 

In my previous post, I spoke about the first stage of denial.  I did not want to accept who my husband has become.  I did not want to accept the fact that my life must change to adapt to the new one!  Regardless of my refusal to accept, things changed! I found myself angry.  As a Christian woman, I was struggling with this emotion.  Anger is not sin.  However, our actions due to anger, are! 

The Grieving Process: Denial

What is grief? Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. (Wikipedia.org)

Grief is a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance. (Elisabeth Kugler-Ross, MD)

Today, I want to address the first stage: DENIAL! 

While my husband was deployed, I knew he'd come back alive because God promised he would bring him back home.  Although I am grateful that he came home, he did not come back alive.  For many of you, you understand that statement.  Allow me to explain for those who don't.

Personally, I did not want to face the fact that my husband returned as another man.  During his third deployment, when he came home on leave, I noticed the changes.  I remember staring at him as he slept beside me and crying out to God "LORD, I am sleeping with a stranger!" In my despair, I continued to pray for healing, deliverance and restoration of our relationship. As the years passed, I was able to cope by the grace of God.  I kept myself immersed in the Word of God and prayer - fueling my faith!

Really?

This morning as I'm calling out to my son to hurry because its time to drive him to school, my husband interjects and yells immediately after I called out to my son.  All I said in a soft and gentle way was "why do you yell".....Well, that set him off into a rant.  I should have kept my mouth shut!!!

But how long do I keep it shut? How long do I walk on eggshells? How long do I enable him to continue to disrespect me? I am quickly reminded that a gentle answers turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1) Although my tone was gentle, my choice words caused him feel like I was reprimanding him. By all means, I was not.  However, I am tired of hearing him yell for every little thing that irritates him and unfortunately we get the brunt of his anger whether it has to do with us or not.

Reviving Military Wives

What a journey! My head is still spinning from the roller coaster ride! One moment my arms were held high as I climb new victories and then I find myself clinging to the edge of my seat as I plunge and spiral down the same track of confusion, discouragement and despair.

My last entry testified of one of those moments of victories. Unfortunately, my high was short lived!
I nearly lost my religion! Good God! If it wasn't for His strength during my times of weakness, I don't know where I'd be right now! Probably downing some of my husband's tramadol to numb my pain or prison for attempted murder! I'm just kidding! No p's for me -pills or prison!  But seriously, can you relate? I'm sure those who have a wounded soldier at home can.  By wounded I'm not referring to the physical.  No, its deeper than that.  I'm talking about the wound of a soul (mind, will, emotions).

Testimony

It's been about three years since I've logged in or posted!  As you can see I gave it a face-lift for 2018! I hope you like it!  I didn't realize that many were still visiting this blog until I saw the visitor feed. I hope that those who have visited have left with some sort of encouragement. 

In the past three years much has transpired! Good, bad and ugly!  Too much to tell in one post.  However, I have to say that the God I serve is a God of restoration! 

Life with a disabled/retired veteran can be somewhat overwhelming.  Although I am grateful that he returned from his deployments and so proud of his service to our country, all that he endured physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually took a toll in him and our marriage.  I'm sure many women can relate.  It's been a hard journey of recovery for my husband and our relationship.  However, God has intervened. 

I want to share a testimony.  Like I mentioned so much has happened and one of those "good" things is the ministry God entrusted me with called "Reviving Dry Bones - Mission Ezekiel 37".... It is a gathering for women.  We fellowship, worship, pray as I release God's word or a teaching as Holy Spirit leads.  It's an amazing time.  So refreshing! 

Back in June 2017 the LORD lead me to do a marriage conference.  Now, let me say this, I was not qualified to do this at that time.  As you read my testimony, you will know why I say this.

Meltdown Moment: From Wife to Caregiver?

That moment when you realized that you went from being your husband's wife to "caregiver!!!!!!

My husband had returned from an appointment and shared that the doctor made a suggestion that I apply for the VA Caregiver Program.  To be quite honest I felt offended! For goodness sake I'm his wife of seven years and now I am going to be reduced to a mere "caregiver"!! Really?  I don't think so!

The word itself gave me the "heebie jeebees"!  I don't want to be known as his caregiver and nevertheless feel like the hired help!  Can you feel me on this?

Night Terrors

Hello All,

I've realized that I have not posted an update since September 2013.  Forgive me! It has been very hectic and overwhelming with moving to another city, and dealing with many other changes.

Since my last post "Identity Crisis" we have moved to a city which is quite calmer.  In other words "boring".  Besides that the beach is only ten minutes away from our new home, our only excitement is Walmart!  It is definitely a retired community!

As I mentioned in my previous post, my husband has been struggling with his identity.  It has been very challenging for him and for me as his wife.  There are moments that I just want to shake him and tell him to wake up but then again that wouldn't help.  As much as I desire for him to return to the man I married, I am fully aware that his experiences were real and they torment him especially in his dreams.

There are times I have found him squatting like a child in the bathroom shaking and crying because he re-lived a crisis during combat.  My husband lost many friends and have also taken upon the guilt of losing them.  I can never understand the pain he feels because I've never been in his shoes.  I can only sympathize with him for I have seen many war movies but nonetheless it is not the same.

Identity Crisis

A couple of months have passed since I've posted.  Transition is an on-going process for most of us.  Some soldiers are able to adapt quickly others don't.  Unfortunately we fall under the category "don't"!

Although my husband has been home for 15 months, it's been very challenging for all of us.  He is now a retired veteran.  It's been very difficult for him to embrace that his career as an infantry soldier is over.  While others would be rejoicing about their retirement, he's not.

My husband has been in the military since he was 18 yrs old.  He is now 46.  Army life is all he's known.  Despite the dangers he faced, there was a sense of purpose that kept him going.  Being that he is now retired, he feels he has no purpose.  He is facing an identity crisis.  

Memorial Day: More Than Just a Beach Day!

Memorial Day is more than just a weekend where we head out to the beaches to enjoy a time in the sun with family and friends.  It is a holiday to honor those who have served this country bravely and have given their lives to maintain the freedom we enjoy.

For those who have lost a soldier it is a day of both honor and sorrow.  They are honored for their service and their courage and remembered with great sorrow for the loss of a spouse, parent, child, family, and friend they love and miss.

A NEW HEART

Search ME LORD? That was my initial prayer.  It was a risky one because I knew that God will do according to what I ask for.  

What He showed me caused me to cry out:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering,and steadfast spirit within me."

~ Psalm 51:10 AMP

As I shared in my last post, I came to a place of surrendering to the LORD after being shown what laid at the root of my heart. 

And in return He has given me what I have asked for: A CLEAN HEART!

He Tears Down in Order to Build

In my desperate cry for help to build my home, the LORD answered.  

I tell you this, truly God is faithful to His promises: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." ~ Jeremiah 33:

The LORD began to speak to me that in order to build there needed to be a tearing down. At that moment I couldn't comprehend this concept and how that will enable me to build my home!  

LORD, HELP ME

I was left with the option to build my house (family) or tear it down.  I chose to build! Yes I was discouraged and Yes I was upset by the changes that came suddenly into my life.  But I know that God has a plan and the enemy always seeks to destroy that plan.

I have come to trust God for many things before and He has been faithful.  Therefore, I will continue to trust in Him and ask Him to teach me how to build my home.  I ask for a greater capacity to love my husband's daughters and embrace them as my own.

What's Next?

Continuing from my previous post "What???" - I want to share what happened next.

As I mentioned I was not a very happy camper with the news of his daughters coming to live with us.  So many thoughts raced around my head and the emotions each thought produced was not exactly positive.  You see that's how the enemy works.  He has you to entertain those negative thoughts so you can react to a particular situation instead of learning to respond.  But anyway....

Well let's just say that I entertained too many thoughts and that's why my reaction was what it was!

WHAT???????????

I remember that day so clearly.  I had returned from visiting family in NJ and my husband was home for a few days before he returned to GA.  As I was unpacking I found him to be rather odd, very edgy - more than usual.

I asked him what was wrong. He nervously told me that he received a letter in the mail that his daughters were removed from the mother's home into foster care and that he was summoned to court to take custody of them.

WHAT??????????  Are you kidding me! (you have to understand the history in order to relate with this statement and reaction ).

He's Retiring & I've Been Enlisted!

It's been quite awhile since I've shared on this blog.- more than a year to be exact!  There is a reason why.  So many changes came like a whirlwind.  As he was going through the process of being medically discharged - I was being drafted into the battlefield I was not prepared to enter.

I thought the worst was finally coming to an end as he drew closer to his retirement. Or was it?

He's been home eight months and as grateful as I am to God for answering my prayers of returning my husband to me safely - I was not prepared for the person that arrived.  I say "person" because the man that left to Afghanistan did not return.  Instead another man arrived in the image of my husband!  This man was an   impostor!  "WHERE IS MY HUSBAND" I felt like shouting....

I spent many nights crying and reminiscing of who my husband used to be.  It has taken every strength I had and every ounce of courage to stay in this marriage.

Results Are IN.......

YET WE SERVE A MIGHTY GOD!!! 

What was possibly bladder or kidney cancer because they saw spots on the MRI turned out to be none other than kidney stones!!!  Not to say that it isn't a concern because it is painful to pass stones that are large BUT it is nothing compare to what they percieved it to be!!!

There is nothing that man can say that cannot be overruled by God.  I've learned that what you concern yourself with, you magnify.  The enemy places fear in us so that we can become anxious, worried and stressed.  In doing so, we then are contradicting the word of God and magnifying the enemy over God's power to do all that He promises.

For God tells us in Philippians 4:6-9 The Message:

 ^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
 ^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Instead of allowing our minds to be filled with the worst possibilities because of a report given to us by man, we should meditate on the best of God and His promises.  Pulling down the strongholds by our speaking of God's word of blessing and not cursing ourselves as we repeat what man says. 

When we are able to approach life's difficulties without fretting and with much praying, there is no possibility of us losing our peace.  Why?  Because we know that we know, who we know and that is Our Father God who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ask or think of (see Ephesians 3:20)! And our faith will make us well!!!!

Matthew 9:22 Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.

And Jesus said to him, "Go; your faith has made you well." Immediately he regained his sight and began following Him on the road. ~ Mark 10:52

Now that's MY GOD!!!! 

Yet Another Diagnosis

A couple of days ago, my husband called to notify me that they are taking more test because he continues to have blood in his urine.  It may be a possibility that he may have developed bladder cancer.  They mentioned that they had overlooked any other possibility of cancer besides his prostrate.  But they are concerned of his symptons and will do further testings.

Of course this news comes a couple of months after they overruled prostrate cancer.  This has put my husband in a place of great concern.  The strain of not knowing has caused much stress as it would with many.  This has caused him to lose hope and accept what may come.  His emotions have caused him to react in ways that have oppressed and depressed him.

Sometimes I sit and here and wonder why all this is happening.  "God you did not keep him from going to war in Afghanistan for him to die here."  "You did not allow him to come this far for him to lose it all".....There is more to this than what the natural eye can perceive! 

In the Waiting

It has been three months since I've posted and I apologize for those who follow.  It has been quite a three months for me and my family. 

I have been in a waiting phase that never seems to end.  My husband is in the process of being medically discharged.  Unfortunately he will not be home anytime soon - so they say! 

During this time they have been taking test, evaluating, prodding, therapy and trying to put him in a coma with all the medications they prescribe.  Thank goodness that my husband is wise and uses his wisdom when it comes to taking them. 

Homes for Our Troops

Homes for Our Troops

Click on link

Homes for Our Troops, is a national non-profit, non-partisan 501(c)(3) organization founded in 2004. They are strongly committed to helping those who have selflessly given to our country and have returned home with serious disabilities and injuries since September 11, 2001. It is their duty and honor to assist severely injured Servicemen and Servicewomen and their immediate families by raising donations of money, building materials and professional labor and to coordinate the process of building a home that provides maximum freedom of movement and the ability to live more independently.

The homes provided by Homes for Our Troops are given at NO COST to the Veterans we serve.



Our Soldiers give so much of themselves, therefore unto them shall men give unto their bosom in return!! Thank you Homes for Our Troops for all that you returned to these brave soldiers!

“Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together and running over, shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”  Luke 6:38 KJV(emphasis added)