He Tears Down in Order to Build

In my desperate cry for help to build my home, the LORD answered.  

I tell you this, truly God is faithful to His promises: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." ~ Jeremiah 33:

The LORD began to speak to me that in order to build there needed to be a tearing down. At that moment I couldn't comprehend this concept and how that will enable me to build my home!  

The tearing process began with me.  You see God searches the hearts (Romans 8:27; Jeremiah 17:10) and He only knows what is there.  Where I have placed bandages on past wounds, He uncovered them in order to bring total healing. Therefore He began construction in my heart.  He saw many things hidden in the deepest part of me that I thought I had dealt with and was delivered from.  But there was some residue - a root remained that was causing me to feel a certain way.

That root was jealousy.  Yes, jealousy! The LORD revealed to me that my uneasiness and inability to accept the girls and the changes that came along with it was because of jealousy.  Jealousy of my husband's affection and having to share it.   Especially when we have been separated for long periods of time because of his deployments.  

The LORD began to cut deep in my heart with His Word.  You see His Word is like a bulldozer that will go through your heart, bringing conviction and tearing out what does not belong there! This process was very painful for me.  Any time that God puts the mirror towards you so that you can see what He sees becomes very uncomfortable.  We either can deny it or confront it! I chose to confront it! I knew what this was doing to me, my husband and our home and I wanted help!

Many will probably judge me for my jealousy and see it as ridiculous especially with children.  But as ridiculous that may sound it was true.  

I believe there are many step-moms who have felt this type of jealousy but many are not willing to disclose it.  I told you from the beginning that I will be transparent in hopes that others can see that they are not alone in certain things.  It's not easy admitting our faults but there is a sense of freedom that comes when we are able to confront them and have the LORD deliver us!

So there I was: my heart wide open as God bulldozed through it.  ALL I CAN SAY IS OUCH!

TO BE CONTINUED.......