Identity Crisis

A couple of months have passed since I've posted.  Transition is an on-going process for most of us.  Some soldiers are able to adapt quickly others don't.  Unfortunately we fall under the category "don't"!

Although my husband has been home for 15 months, it's been very challenging for all of us.  He is now a retired veteran.  It's been very difficult for him to embrace that his career as an infantry soldier is over.  While others would be rejoicing about their retirement, he's not.

My husband has been in the military since he was 18 yrs old.  He is now 46.  Army life is all he's known.  Despite the dangers he faced, there was a sense of purpose that kept him going.  Being that he is now retired, he feels he has no purpose.  He is facing an identity crisis.  

Memorial Day: More Than Just a Beach Day!

Memorial Day is more than just a weekend where we head out to the beaches to enjoy a time in the sun with family and friends.  It is a holiday to honor those who have served this country bravely and have given their lives to maintain the freedom we enjoy.

For those who have lost a soldier it is a day of both honor and sorrow.  They are honored for their service and their courage and remembered with great sorrow for the loss of a spouse, parent, child, family, and friend they love and miss.

A NEW HEART

Search ME LORD? That was my initial prayer.  It was a risky one because I knew that God will do according to what I ask for.  

What He showed me caused me to cry out:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering,and steadfast spirit within me."

~ Psalm 51:10 AMP

As I shared in my last post, I came to a place of surrendering to the LORD after being shown what laid at the root of my heart. 

And in return He has given me what I have asked for: A CLEAN HEART!

He Tears Down in Order to Build

In my desperate cry for help to build my home, the LORD answered.  

I tell you this, truly God is faithful to His promises: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." ~ Jeremiah 33:

The LORD began to speak to me that in order to build there needed to be a tearing down. At that moment I couldn't comprehend this concept and how that will enable me to build my home!  

LORD, HELP ME

I was left with the option to build my house (family) or tear it down.  I chose to build! Yes I was discouraged and Yes I was upset by the changes that came suddenly into my life.  But I know that God has a plan and the enemy always seeks to destroy that plan.

I have come to trust God for many things before and He has been faithful.  Therefore, I will continue to trust in Him and ask Him to teach me how to build my home.  I ask for a greater capacity to love my husband's daughters and embrace them as my own.

What's Next?

Continuing from my previous post "What???" - I want to share what happened next.

As I mentioned I was not a very happy camper with the news of his daughters coming to live with us.  So many thoughts raced around my head and the emotions each thought produced was not exactly positive.  You see that's how the enemy works.  He has you to entertain those negative thoughts so you can react to a particular situation instead of learning to respond.  But anyway....

Well let's just say that I entertained too many thoughts and that's why my reaction was what it was!

WHAT???????????

I remember that day so clearly.  I had returned from visiting family in NJ and my husband was home for a few days before he returned to GA.  As I was unpacking I found him to be rather odd, very edgy - more than usual.

I asked him what was wrong. He nervously told me that he received a letter in the mail that his daughters were removed from the mother's home into foster care and that he was summoned to court to take custody of them.

WHAT??????????  Are you kidding me! (you have to understand the history in order to relate with this statement and reaction ).

He's Retiring & I've Been Enlisted!

It's been quite awhile since I've shared on this blog.- more than a year to be exact!  There is a reason why.  So many changes came like a whirlwind.  As he was going through the process of being medically discharged - I was being drafted into the battlefield I was not prepared to enter.

I thought the worst was finally coming to an end as he drew closer to his retirement. Or was it?

He's been home eight months and as grateful as I am to God for answering my prayers of returning my husband to me safely - I was not prepared for the person that arrived.  I say "person" because the man that left to Afghanistan did not return.  Instead another man arrived in the image of my husband!  This man was an   impostor!  "WHERE IS MY HUSBAND" I felt like shouting....

I spent many nights crying and reminiscing of who my husband used to be.  It has taken every strength I had and every ounce of courage to stay in this marriage.