Really?

This morning as I'm calling out to my son to hurry because its time to drive him to school, my husband interjects and yells immediately after I called out to my son.  All I said in a soft and gentle way was "why do you yell".....Well, that set him off into a rant.  I should have kept my mouth shut!!!

But how long do I keep it shut? How long do I walk on eggshells? How long do I enable him to continue to disrespect me? I am quickly reminded that a gentle answers turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1) Although my tone was gentle, my choice words caused him feel like I was reprimanding him. By all means, I was not.  However, I am tired of hearing him yell for every little thing that irritates him and unfortunately we get the brunt of his anger whether it has to do with us or not.



I got in my car and just sat there trying NOT to cry or speak anything negative.   I know the power words have.  They either bring forth life or death, blessing or curses (Proverbs 18:21).  Instead I chose to silently drive my son to school and release it to God. As I was driving back home,  I received a text from my husband and I was afraid to open it up. Most times they are a continuation of his verbal rant.  To my surprise, he apologized and shared that he is not doing well accepting the fact that he has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease).  He was diagnosed a few months ago and this has fueled his anger even more.  He doesn't know how to channel his emotions as he copes with this life threatening disease along with  PTSD and TBI.

When I arrived home, I quickly entered my secret place and journaled my prayer asking God to give me a greater measure of mercy, grace and compassion towards my husband. To give me the strength I need to forgive once again. At the same time, my heart weighs heavy from his words and reactions towards me.  I am not made of stone.  I may be a woman of God, but I feel. I feel the loss of what we once shared.  I miss the passionate man he was with me and with God. I know he is still alive hiding behind the trauma of war. As much as the enemy would love for me to give up on ever seeing that man again, I will continue to contend for him to emerge from the ashes. I will put my hope in the LORD for my faith is in God alone.  He is my refuge and that is why I choose to run to Him and stand on His promises! Even now as I am typing this, His Presence has cloaked me with peace that surpasses all understanding! I choose to see my husband through God's lens of love instead of the broken lens my emotions would have me see him through.

Without God we can do nothing but with Him, we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us! Be strengthened....Be Blessed.....