What is grief? Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. (Wikipedia.org)
Grief is a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance. (Elisabeth Kugler-Ross, MD)
Today, I want to address the second stage: ANGER!
In my previous post, I spoke about the first stage of denial. I did not want to accept who my husband has become. I did not want to accept the fact that my life must change to adapt to the new one! Regardless of my refusal to accept, things changed! I found myself angry. As a Christian woman, I was struggling with this emotion. Anger is not sin. However, our actions due to anger, are!
I was frustrated to say the least and my actions were evident. I was tired of walking on eggshells, the complaints, the tantrums, outburst of negative words that seemed to fill the atmosphere. Slowly, I was being drawn into that dark place he was in. Instead of exercising wisdom, I spoke from a bitter heart. Unresolved anger turns to bitterness. Bitterness turns into resentment. At this point I was very resentful towards my husband. There was more to the story besides the invisible wounds of combat. We were a blended family. And let's just say it was chaotic. I was not given liberty to express my emotions or make any decisions when it came to raising or disciplining his daughters. That ought to give you a snap shot of what it was like. For some of you reading this, you can identify with the challenges of a blended family!
As time passed, I continued to do what I knew best to do: cry out to Jesus! I repented and laid my anger, bitterness and resentment at the foot of the cross! I continue to pray and yielded to God to cleanse my heart, to heal and restore my love for my husband. And He did! It was not overnight. However, through surrendering, I gave access to the LORD to move in my life.
Eventually, I entered the stage of bargaining. Understand that I started to withhold what he withheld from me in retaliation. Intimacy, affection, love, conversation, and presence. I isolated myself in my side of the house to avoid any conflict and to punish him. Yeah, I know. It was not the best approach. In my next post I will share how I bargained.
It is my prayer that through my transparency, you will see that as a Christian woman, it's okay not to be okay. We can remove the mask. God knows our struggles. It isn't pretty and at times I allowed the enemy to bring condemnation. I felt ashamed, and guilty for how I was responding to all these changes in my life. But I stood on His promise found in 1 John 1:9 and so should you:
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
No comments:
Post a Comment