Update Regarding My Soldier

About a month ago when my husband was ready to deploy overseas, there was an entry in his profile stating that he was not medically discharged for the mission.  Therefore he stayed behind while his unit deployed.  Although he was aware of the contents of his profile, he knew this newly found entry was God's doing. 

He was transferred to another state in which he will undergo laser surgery and therapy for a few months.  My husband was fearful of being totally discharged from the military for financial reasons.  He was grateful that God kept him from fighting this gruesome battle that has taken so many lives of his friends already.  But the guilt of not being there for his unit was overwhelming him and the fear of not being able to financially take care of his family filled him with regrets.

The Pain of God's Hiddenness

O’ Lord my pain is deep and wide

Emptiness has settled inside

‘'Where is your God?’ my soul cries

Where is He? as your spirit dies!

Discouragement has entered and made its home

Causing me to feel alone

Its shadow of lies has extinguished my light

Why are You hidden from My sight?

O’ my soul arise from this slumber

The enemy seeks to put thee asunder

Sever the enemy’s deadly rope

By anchoring yourself in the eternal Hope.

"For He promises a little while I will struggle

Yet I will deliver you from all troubles"

God’s promises are faithful and true

Awaken my soul and be renewed………….

For several days I have battled what I come to understand now as “spiritual depression”.  I could not comprehend what was happening within me.  The overwhelming feeling of despair and hopelessness darkened my soul.  I felt isolated, withdrawn and desperate as I was experiencing the pain of God’s hiddenness. 

“Where are You, Lord”? I cried, and cried.  “I need You!” The tears saturated my pillow night after night to no avail.  All that followed was a deep silence.